My friend Dionne and I were talking last night, and I've had this discussion with others in the past. We as parents need to "date" our children. We need to model true romance, before they become interested in it. We don't just put them on bikes and expect them to know how to ride. We don't put them behind the wheel of a car and just say "hey, have at it!" We don't just send them outside and have them cross the street. We practice those things with them. So why do we leave dating up to chance? The reality is that most of our parents did it that way, and most of theirs possibly did too. But, the generations get equally wiser (with technology) and dumber (with common sense) all at the same time, which means parents have to become more diligent in their work, not be passive.
I want to spend time taking my son out, teaching him how to open doors (which he already does), and pull out chairs. I want him to understand the things a woman SHOULD expect when she is giving him the pleasure of her time. And what things he should NOT expect in return for that time. But I also want him to have expectations from her as well as far as her conduct and behavior. These things do not just happen to fall into the knowledge of most children. They have to be planted and watered.
My daughters need to spend time with daddy having conversation that exercises their brains, having their chairs pulled out, their doors being opened, their hands being held with no expectation of more to come. They need to spend time with mommy learning how to dress for a date and how to be cute, classy, and lady-like.
All of my children need to know how to ask questions that define a person's character and morals. What kind of contact is appropriate in public, and definitely what is NOT OKAY in private, most of all what kind of expectations their parents have for them when we are trusting them to leave our tutelage and engage freely with the world.
Yes, my children are only 8, 4, and 3, but my preference is to set the standard now, so that when the time comes they won't be willing to settle for just anything. There needs to be a foundation laid so that their definition of dating isn't developed by what they see around them.
I don't want my daughters to chase a ring. I want the men to be beating down their door to fight for the place of honor with my daughters. I want my future daughter-in-law to count it a high honor to be with a man that treats her the way he does and she knows that she is set apart from other women. My future in-laws will know that my children were bred and molded with an expectation to be intentional in their mate choice and that they were given to my children as a gift from God, with mom and dad's blessing all over it.
Today's youth have become a bit reckless and ruthless in the dating arena and it is up to us as parents to change that pattern for our own homes. Just because it is that way for most, doesn't mean our children are damned to that verdict. Will doing these things guarantee a certain outcome...absolutely not, but it increases the chances of improving the situation GREATLY.
I want my children to be the difference, but I have to be a different parent to encourage that in them. All friends and prospective dates will be subject to an interview and if you don't pass, it's a no go. We have to make intentional choices now as parents so my kids will desire to be intentional later. My chance to make an impact is limited, so I have to strike while the iron is hot.
I pray that all of you take time to decide what it is you want for the future of your children and then begin to implement those things into their life now. Don't wait, because it could become too late. Romance them now, so that when someone else is trying to romance them later, they will have a standard to measure from.
I know I use this verse a lot, but it applies to so many things:
Proverbs 22:6
New International Version (NIV)
6 Start children off on the way they should go,
and even when they are old they will not turn from it.
Don't let society set their standards for dating. Show them you care enough to train them in that area and to be actively be involved when the time comes. I don't want just anyone being good enough for my kids. And, I want them to say "If my mom/dad can do that for/with me, then I expect at least that if not better from you."
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