Sex and the Spirit

Proverbs 5:15-19

Amplified Bible (AMP)

^15[a]Drink waters out of your own cistern [of a pure marriage relationship], and fresh running waters out of your own well.

¹⁶Should your offspring be dispersed abroad as water brooks in the streets?

¹⁷[Confine yourself to your own wife] let your children be for you alone, and not the children of strangers with you.

¹⁸Let your fountain [of human life] be blessed [with the rewards of fidelity], and rejoice in the wife of your youth.

¹⁹Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant doe [tender, gentle, attractive]--let her bosom satisfy you at all times, and always be transported with delight in her love.

There has been a lot of conversation about sex in my home recently. Having a teen that was sexually active prior to getting into my grips, as well as an 8 year old that seems to be bombarded with messages outside of our influence means that I have to talk often, be open, and be as clear as possible.

Even my 3 and 4 year olds are asking questions about the human body and showing a level of maturity I am not aware that I had when I was in their age bracket. I don't recall becoming curious about the human body until at least the age of 10, but my kids are doing everything they can to be sure that mom (and especially dad) learn to let nothing shock them anymore. (It's really funny to watch my husband's face get all distorted when the kids come to ask a question he was truly not anticipating...lol)

I have had to be very honest and open with all my kids to whatever degree I have felt appropriate for their age level. With my teen I am very candid about things of a sexual nature. I admit my mistakes and wrong doings concerning my own sexuality and I am very graphic about the spiritual and physical consequences of not doing it God's way. Even though overall I have been fortunate, I did have some hard lessons to learn and they all could have been avoided if I would have made the choice to do things God's way instead of my own.

With my son, I am teaching him the things I think will be important for him to know as a teen and adult. I let him know that many of his friends are going to be having sex, but just because they are going to be doing those things, it doesn't make it okay. I let him know that I have an expectation for him to be more than a superficial "in name only" kind of Christian. I want him to truly reflect the image of Christ in actions and words.

The big thing I have made a common statement with my son and my niece is this;"It is not your right to sleep with someone whom you are not married to, because in the event that you don't marry that person, you have slept with another man's wife or another woman's husband." My eyes were opened to that way of thinking when I read Romances with Wolves (Link to article: www.everystudent.com/features/wolves.html). Once I got that perspective it was like being hit in the head. Wow, how many people do we know that would say "I would NEVER sleep with someone else's husband or wife." when in fact, they probably already did? This is a message I really want this next generation of kids to get, because the idea of marriageless sex is becoming so prevalent that we've pretty much become desensitized to it. I had even been guilty of just accepting it for what it was...times have changed. Lucky for us though, God hasn't and he is very clear on his expectations for our body, in no uncertain terms.

1 Corinthians 6:12-20

New International Version (NIV)

Sexual Immorality

¹² “I have the right to do anything,” you say—but not everything is beneficial. “I have the right to do anything”—but I will not be mastered by anything. ¹³ You say, “Food for the stomach and the stomach for food, and God will destroy them both.” The body, however, is not meant for sexual immorality but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body. ¹⁴ By his power God raised the Lord from the dead, and he will raise us also. ¹⁵ Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ himself? Shall I then take the members of Christ and unite them with a prostitute? Never! ¹⁶ Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, “The two will become one flesh.”^{[a] 17} But whoever is united with the Lord is one with him in spirit.^[b]

¹⁸ Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body. ¹⁹ Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; ²⁰ you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.

How do you argue with that? YOU CAN'T!!! God is very straight and to the point on what we are to do and not do with our bodies when it comes to sex. And he even reminds us that we tie ourselves to that person on a spiritual level. If you give yourself (sexually and spiritually) to multiple people, then what are you going to have left for your future spouse?

I also firmly believe that we open ourselves up to spiritual things we couldn't possibly be prepared for. I am gifted in discerning things and all it takes it a close, personal relationship with someone for me to be able to pick up on things no one else is even paying attention to. The times in my life when that has mixed in with sex, I have seen some very dark and ugly things that I could have gone the rest of my life without ever seeing. And, these are things that weren't necessarily out in the open for everyone to see, but they were revealed to me, because I had tied my spirit to that individual. In my marriage, it has been a beneficial gift and connection to have, because it let's me know when to pray, when to talk, and it takes some of the shock value out of big issues (having a situation briefing from God is always better than going in blind). But, outside of that...having that kind of tie to someone else has been devastating. It becomes a connection you no longer want, because you don't want to be exposed to those kinds of things unnecessarily.

I also believe that sex outside of marriage blinds us to things we NEED to see before saying "I do". When you start sleeping with someone, it take the investigative component out of the relationship, because then many things get tied back to the act of sex. We begin to look passed the fact that this individual does certain things or acts a certain way that isn't in agreement with our value system or personal desires, but we overlook them because "well, the sex is good."

We need to place a much higher value on marriage than our society does. I am not advocating that everyone gets married, but I am advocating that marriage and sex need to go hand in hand. If you want to have sex, be willing to wait for the person God has designed for you. Our society has made it common practice to put the cart before the horse.

Hebrews 13:4

Amplified Bible (AMP)

⁴Let marriage be held in honor (esteemed worthy, precious, of great price, and especially dear) in all things. And thus let the marriage bed be undefiled (kept undishonored); for God will judge and punish the unchaste [all guilty of sexual vice] and adulterous.

I wish I could say I followed God's design plan. But, I can at least say that I can speak out about the negative impacts of not doing so. I can be open and honest about reading God's word and then doing my own thing, and what kind of results come with those kinds of decisions. It's painful to know that I have slept with someone else's husband and I allowed someone to sleep with my husband's wife. I even have to be held accountable for sleeping with my husband prior to him being that. I believe that many of the issues suffered in our marriage were tied to that. I also believe that I was blinded by things going on because of our sexual relationship before being totally committed to one another. I am not saying I wouldn't have married him, because if that was God's plan, it was going to remain his plan. But, I think I would have been better prepared for what I was up against if I didn't have blinders on.

I wish I hadn't tied my soul to anyone else, because now my spirit is susceptible to things it didn't have to be. Sex is not just a physical act...it is very much a spiritual one and that is why God intended it to be reserved for and remain in the confines of marriage. As a parent, I encourage you to keep the dialogue open and fresh in your home. It's better to get to them as soon as you can, because someone else will be giving them the wrong message sooner than you think. As an individual, I pray you will read my story and learn from my mistakes. Even if you've already become sexually active, it isn't too late to give yourself back to God. And God's design for marriage and sex is artistic and wonderful. All you have to do is take time to read Song of Songs/Solomon to see that within the confines of marriage it is poetry in motion.

Resources for families and individuals:

www.focusonthefamily.com/parenting/sexuality.aspx

www.familylife.com/site/c.dnJHKLNnFoG/b.3781493/k.48C9/More_Articles_About_Sexual_Purity/apps/nl/newsletter3.asp

www.everystudent.com/menus/issues.html